Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
