I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
