We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
