I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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