I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
