He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
