Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
