Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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