Yo dont text me then not text me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
