I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
