Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
