I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
