"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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