it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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