I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
