he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
