she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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