Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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