Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
