fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
