Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
