so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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