How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
