So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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