The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
