Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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