Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
