so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
