i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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