Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
