I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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