I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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