Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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