i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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