Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
