HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
