bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
