i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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