So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
