need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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