This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
