I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
