She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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