she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
