I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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