Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
