So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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