Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
