So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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