our cab driver is having phone sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
