i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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