Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
