Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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