i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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