So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
