He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
