what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
