I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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