If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
