it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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