I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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