The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
